Don't judge your sorrow too quickly or too harshly, friend.
Honouring the darkness within is not the same as 'wallowing', and
cultivating a deep trust in all of life's movements does
not equate to self-indulgence or a 'pity party'.
Please do not misunderstand this. Your dream of unending spiritual bliss
is beautiful, yes!
I love your longing for perfection!
Your fantasies of enlightenment are so sweet and appropriate!
You love the light! And you want to shine! And inspire others!
But spare a thought for (what you now call) your imperfections.
Find a space in your heart for the unwanted, the unloved, the rejected aspects of experience.
The homeless man in the street is no less holy than the Pope, no less deserving of kindness.
The rancid dog shit on the pavement is as much a work of art as the shiny things you seek.
There is such beauty in the deformations and the blemishes,
such creativity in the underworld, such power in the night-time.
If we refuse to plumb the depths we are left only half alive,
however 'enlightened' we claim to be.
Artists, musicians, poets of all cultures throughout the ages have understood this.
See your life as an art gallery, friend.
Embrace the full spectrum of experience, from the light to the dark, from the sacred to the profane. Hold it all in your prayers,
illuminate it all with the light of loving awareness.
Be that awareness! Dignify all of manifestation!
Perhaps your sorrow is there to remind you of the joy that is about to burst forth.
Perhaps the contraction you feel in your body is about to give way to glorious expansion.
Perhaps your frustration just wants to frustrate itself fully and be felt, fully.
Perhaps this moment contains no mistake!
Perhaps the relief you will feel in time will be infinitely sweeter for your having suffered so deeply. Perhaps your suffering is teaching you humility, and gratitude, and quietude, and compasion for the pain of others, and trust, unbreakable trust in life's strange processes.
Don't judge your sadness, your depression, your feelings of failure so quickly,
and don't judge the process of another, for you really don't know what's best for anyone,
and you really don't know more than life itself.
That which you reject (in another or in yourself) may actually be much-needed medicine,
a misunderstood teacher, inviting you to an awakening deeper than you ever thought possible.
It may be a threshold guardian, a gatekeeper of a forgotten kingdom!